What Happens With Relationships

What happens with relationships? I woke up from a strange dream this morning which immediately got me thinking about relationships.

What makes a relationship right or wrong? What is compatibility? Are two people that are compatible meant to be together?

One reason that so many people break up so frequently is because the initial stages of a relationship are often based upon two things. Do we enjoy each other's company? Are we physically attracted to one another?

One reason that this is not enough to make a relationship last is the fact that very often, initial hormonal surges create a feeling within these two individuals in the beginning that makes them seem as if they enjoy each other's company more than they have ever enjoyed anyone's company ever before.  Also, two people entering a relationship have often been alone for some period of time, whether short or long, meaning that they are at this point often certain that anything really enjoyable is way better than loneliness.  Therefore, it may seem like a match made in heaven, but is it truly?

When people get older and have experienced many relationship disappointments, they often become better able to spot a lot more about other people initially that they would not be comfortable with in a relationship.  However, this is actually not always the case.  An adult with many years of experience and many previous relationships may still fall prey to the simple excitement that occurs from receiving all of the attention that this new potential significant other showers upon them.

Relationships are often mutually dependent that way.  Both parties are riding the highs that come with the attention showers.  The very fact that someone is considering you as a potential can be flattering in and of itself.  What is very much the opposite of flattering is when that potential decides that you are not actually what they were hoping that you would be.

This can seem like the most painful sort of disappointment.  In reality, what many people describe as a broken heart is often merely a crushed ego.  A crushed ego can be exquisitely painful if we allow it to be.  Acceptance is the key to getting past these feelings, because without it the ego will consume an individual and cause them to miss out on many other joys in life after experiencing the defeat.  People often want most what they cannot have simply because they feel a need to make sure that they have conquered that sense of rejection.  What they are often fighting for is not the love of their life, but actually is the restoration of their false pride.  This can most definitely overtake them and waste countless hours of their time, as well as their friend's time in hearing about it and also the potential other's time in dealing with warding off their desperate advances.

What about when both parties remain compatible as acquaintances and remain physically attracted to one another yet one or both decide that "it's just not right."  What is that all about?

That "it's just not right" scenario can be founded in a great number of possibilities.  Often it is because one or both of the individuals has a sort of dream or image in their head of what their life will be like.  What they are looking for in life is the partner who will fit into that space most comfortably.  They imagine all the things they have forever wanted and hoped for and try to figure out if that potential significant other is the one to make all of that happen.

The fact is that when depending upon another person to provide yourself with the future that you want, you will be dissappointed.  It is truly a delusion to think that another person can give you everything you ever wanted.  The ego's appetite is never satisfied.  That's why when someone seems to be that which would give you everything you ever wanted, look out!  It isn't real.  Eventually, they will behave or think in a way that is counterintuitive to your dreams.  They are an individual with their own path to take.  The hope is that your two paths will coincide, however, your happy path must be able to exist independently of theirs in order for there to be any hope at all.

This does not mean that two people cannot combine their lives and live happily in a union.  It only means that if you are trying to force another individual into a well-defined mold, that you will find your life lacking in peace and tranquility.  You will find yourself involved in relationship struggles and pain.  Here's the kicker....  If that person does manage to fit exactly perfectly into that mold you have created and defined so precisely, you will become bored with them.  What are they adding if they have no independence or mind of their own?

Maybe your mold is wide and varied and allows room for the other individual to challenge life, beliefs and you.  Maybe that will work.  But beware of fooling yourself.  Molds are in and of themselves rigid and structured.

How about if you are just a fly by the seat of your pants, live life kind of person?  The individual you are looking for simply needs to be a great companion whose company you enjoy along your journey.  Maybe there is no mold there.  Maybe you will have lots of fun and all will be well.  The only caution is that everyone is not in the same mood at every time of every day consistently and occasionally there are going to be days that are just not all that much fun.  In that case, do you enjoy the portion of the relationship that is supposed to be about nurturing and caring for the other?  Or are you only in it for what that person gives you?

Once people have joined and both have met the compatibility and attraction tests, then there is the life coordination test.  This part can become a bit complicated....  This has to do with how often you spend time together.  How much is each one interested in adapting their life around the other? Where do you spend your time together? How do your schedules coordinate and is that adjustable? and many more pieces such as this....  All of this may be extremely simple and not in the least bit complicated.

But what do you do when it does become complicated???